Zitat von miyoko am 7 März, 2006, 1737 Uhr

Amakadaru,

Hmm...well, good start. It seems rather rough and WAY too fast. Even if it is part of the vampire's personality, you should do some background and charcter building first. i liked how you started tot describe the setting. there should be more of that setting described though. and perhaps go into the main chara...Glenn...a bit more. He needs some description. right now, he is a 2D chara...so hes flat, basically. i think you should go into his personality DEFINATELY appearance, family life...things like that. you ought to have at least a page or two before the vampire is introduced. it seems to fast and in order to keep up the pace, the entire book would have to be that speed, which could cause problems.

"It was a rainy night; the clouds were a dark purple. The constant pattering of the raindrops on trashcans and the road echoed all around the dark alley. The only light was filtered through the curtains of a window on the third story, casting a crimson glow on the alley"

I really liked that part. it was a good bit of description as well as a good start. I say congrats on that paragrah. But the rest is just a little rough and too fast. go into depth more and youll be good. but please...i look forward to reading it as it progresses! seems like you have a good storyline established. just build your charas more and add more detail and itll be a hit!

Most Sincerely,
The Dark Lady