The Colour of Moonlight
Zitat von lovewithdiamonds am 15 Oktober, 2006, 0756 UhrThe face of the moon peers like an innocent child
Through the open windows
Its transparent eyes crying a thousand
milky tears on the dark, wild sea.
I hear the sound of waves exhaling on
the sandy shore.A chill zephyr caresses my curtains, billowing them into the air and
letting them
sag
down
again.I breathe deeply and smell a dank coppery fragrance.
The moon pulses with an electric white light,
Standing stark against
the blackness of the night.I look out my window at the shadowed world
beneath me
Everything splashed in the
Silvery blaze
I see a silhoutetted shape seated on the bench
outside my house
The figure turns toward me and
Gestures in recognition
I stare very hard at the cloaked shadow, certain I recognise its formBut before I have a chance to identify it,
It slips out
of the tarnished bronze light
And into the gloomy shadows
And disappears as silently
as it arrived.I hear an eerie bark in the distance, and a lupine howl echoes and silences the bark abruptly
The coming dawn is still
And silence
Reigns with the moon once again...
The face of the moon peers like an innocent child
Through the open windows
Its transparent eyes crying a thousand
milky tears on the dark, wild sea.
I hear the sound of waves exhaling on
the sandy shore.
A chill zephyr caresses my curtains, billowing them into the air and
letting them
sag
down
again.
I breathe deeply and smell a dank coppery fragrance.
The moon pulses with an electric white light,
Standing stark against
the blackness of the night.
I look out my window at the shadowed world
beneath me
Everything splashed in the
Silvery blaze
I see a silhoutetted shape seated on the bench
outside my house
The figure turns toward me and
Gestures in recognition
I stare very hard at the cloaked shadow, certain I recognise its form
But before I have a chance to identify it,
It slips out
of the tarnished bronze light
And into the gloomy shadows
And disappears as silently
as it arrived.
I hear an eerie bark in the distance, and a lupine howl echoes and silences the bark abruptly
The coming dawn is still
And silence
Reigns with the moon once again...
Zitat von insidedistuo am 16 Oktober, 2006, 0559 UhrThis was just beautiful LWD... 8)
This was just beautiful LWD... 8)
Zitat von lovewithdiamonds am 16 Oktober, 2006, 1317 Uhrthanks....but like Navre....I'd welcome some criticism....
thanks....but like Navre....I'd welcome some criticism....
Zitat von insidedistuo am 16 Oktober, 2006, 2038 UhrHmmmm . Ok, I dont know enough about writing poetry to give much criticism ...
I will leave that to the experts.. 😉
IO* peeks around for Navre.... LOL
Hmmmm . Ok, I dont know enough about writing poetry to give much criticism ...
I will leave that to the experts.. 😉
IO
* peeks around for Navre.... LOL
Zitat von lovewithdiamonds am 17 Oktober, 2006, 1416 Uhrtouchy touchy..
guess i will have to make do with compliments then...Until Navre decides to haul his ass back here....
touchy touchy..
guess i will have to make do with compliments then...Until Navre decides to haul his ass back here....
Zitat von vincent_the_red am 18 Oktober, 2006, 1823 UhrI suppose I have some criticism for your poem, since no one else seems to be willing.
I find your poem to be too perfect. There are no apparent flaws in spelling or grammar, and since it was basically freestyle, it didn't have to conform to any specific form. It held my attention far too well, and the imagery was too beautiful.
Over all, you just did too good of a job on it.😈
I suppose I have some criticism for your poem, since no one else seems to be willing.
I find your poem to be too perfect. There are no apparent flaws in spelling or grammar, and since it was basically freestyle, it didn't have to conform to any specific form. It held my attention far too well, and the imagery was too beautiful.
Over all, you just did too good of a job on it.
😈
Zitat von lovewithdiamonds am 18 Oktober, 2006, 1836 Uhroh man - that's the best review ever...for my ego..
poetry is something i love...and i'm a perfectionist...but i hate this poem..dunno why...but i do...
oh man - that's the best review ever...for my ego..
poetry is something i love...and i'm a perfectionist...but i hate this poem..dunno why...but i do...
Zitat von navre am 20 Oktober, 2006, 1830 UhrAsk and you shall recive....
I could If given enough motivation compose a written formal analsys on the poem, yet for the moment I choose not to do so simply because I plan on reading it a few more times. I am rather picky about my poetry and in truth few manage to catch my intrest. I was lauded in my poetry class ( which just finished, in grand fashon with marked reciatals of orignal works my selected members of the class ) as the one who always has something negative to say about the assigned poetry readings...I found them boring. I like your poem as with all poems I like It has something that manages to catch my attention. I one knows me they should know what this is but more fun is a like response of a poem in similar fashon along the same lines, as reading others poems often can inpires those to write their own works. So for you DWL I give this "nods his head "
La` Luna
From upon high staring down an all,
Her gaze casts a silvery glow
Looking skyward one acknowledges her glance
Whom do you see…?
The maiden, the mother, or be it the crone?
Caught in the moment, captivated by beauty,
revealed only by the night sky
Hidden by the light of day,
Yet still she looms
Awaiting the next sunset,
As to dance among the stars.
Ask and you shall recive....
I could If given enough motivation compose a written formal analsys on the poem, yet for the moment I choose not to do so simply because I plan on reading it a few more times. I am rather picky about my poetry and in truth few manage to catch my intrest. I was lauded in my poetry class ( which just finished, in grand fashon with marked reciatals of orignal works my selected members of the class ) as the one who always has something negative to say about the assigned poetry readings...I found them boring. I like your poem as with all poems I like It has something that manages to catch my attention. I one knows me they should know what this is but more fun is a like response of a poem in similar fashon along the same lines, as reading others poems often can inpires those to write their own works. So for you DWL I give this "nods his head "
La` Luna
From upon high staring down an all,
Her gaze casts a silvery glow
Looking skyward one acknowledges her glance
Whom do you see…?
The maiden, the mother, or be it the crone?
Caught in the moment, captivated by beauty,
revealed only by the night sky
Hidden by the light of day,
Yet still she looms
Awaiting the next sunset,
As to dance among the stars.
Zitat von robc666 am 23 Dezember, 2006, 0407 Uhr@LoveWithDiamonds wrote:
thanks....but like Navre....I'd welcome some criticism....
Not sure if i'm the right person to be offering critisim about someone's work as i'm not much of a poet. But what i would like to say is how well your poem caught my attention; the atomsphere and imagery were simply captavating.
It's hard to veiw your own work with a dispassionate eye because you're too close to the subject. You say you dont like this poem, i say it's fantastic and keep you the good work.
@LoveWithDiamonds wrote:
thanks....but like Navre....I'd welcome some criticism....
Not sure if i'm the right person to be offering critisim about someone's work as i'm not much of a poet. But what i would like to say is how well your poem caught my attention; the atomsphere and imagery were simply captavating.
It's hard to veiw your own work with a dispassionate eye because you're too close to the subject. You say you dont like this poem, i say it's fantastic and keep you the good work.
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