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Poetry "Untitled"

navre avatar
navre@navre
297 Beiträge
#1 · 18 Februar, 2006, 1026
Zitat von navre am 18 Februar, 2006, 1026 Uhr

In reading one of DWL's poems I have decided to post this one. the subject matter is diffrent but i think the thought is some where along similar lines.....

Weathered are the pages of my mind as I flip back trying
Not to remember the time long since.
Cold and emotionless I traveled unyielding to those who Would sway me
No action no words to stir me, I passed by these, one
Unstirred by thought
Yet to those I turn, they cause delight, and such cruel anguish
A word never known to one but common to all it pains the ears
At its mention and the mind by its thought
She of all people was to add to this word meaning finally
Swayed by no one of the past , what hold does she posses that
He should know love?
Confused, he sits baffled pained by his lack to maintain
his detachment
Geia protect this wandering madman he is lost between his hatred
A need of separation from man and his need to be with her!


In reading one of DWL's poems I have decided to post this one. the subject matter is diffrent but i think the thought is some where along similar lines.....

Weathered are the pages of my mind as I flip back trying
Not to remember the time long since.
Cold and emotionless I traveled unyielding to those who Would sway me
No action no words to stir me, I passed by these, one
Unstirred by thought
Yet to those I turn, they cause delight, and such cruel anguish
A word never known to one but common to all it pains the ears
At its mention and the mind by its thought
She of all people was to add to this word meaning finally
Swayed by no one of the past , what hold does she posses that
He should know love?
Confused, he sits baffled pained by his lack to maintain
his detachment
Geia protect this wandering madman he is lost between his hatred
A need of separation from man and his need to be with her!

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sunrava avatar
sunrava@sunrava
184 Beiträge
#2 · 18 Februar, 2006, 1039
Zitat von sunrava am 18 Februar, 2006, 1039 Uhr

Brother I know your pain. I just wish you didnt.


Brother I know your pain. I just wish you didnt.

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lovewithdiamonds avatar
lovewithdiamonds@lovewithdiamonds
379 Beiträge
#3 · 18 Februar, 2006, 1048
Zitat von lovewithdiamonds am 18 Februar, 2006, 1048 Uhr

Your opening stanza is probably the best I've read in a long time.... and it's not often that I find someone who seems to construct their poetry in the same manner as i do - the visual imagery created by the words, and the extended metaphors used are for me extremely important, if the imagery becomes strained....i find it hard to finish the poem - kinda like this one - still have no idea how it should be concluded.

Forced Sacrifce
[color=indigo][align=center]A plastered wound brought compassion to my lips
as I kissed your abrasions healing them with
my tears i hid from you.
you preyed on my weakness - savagely
watching me fall in love with an illusion
you told me you
were the broken one, and you wanted to
be mended by my touch.
But that was deceit. you wanted to
maim, hurt and reject...just as had
been done to you...I was the vulnerable one
who broke, lost resolve and purpose, sank
into depression and surrendered to resentments.
but not longer will your bitter desires taint me -
the present is now. The future is now. Eternity is now.
Although my present is pain, my future sorrow, my eternity will be determination.
Resolve to erase your infection from my soul
and your stain from my body
I will expose all my frailties, grow stronger as you weaken
under your addictions.
Justice will be met, and for you, not tempered by Mercy[/color
]


Your opening stanza is probably the best I've read in a long time.... and it's not often that I find someone who seems to construct their poetry in the same manner as i do - the visual imagery created by the words, and the extended metaphors used are for me extremely important, if the imagery becomes strained....i find it hard to finish the poem - kinda like this one - still have no idea how it should be concluded.

Forced Sacrifce
[align=center]A plastered wound brought compassion to my lips
as I kissed your abrasions healing them with
my tears i hid from you.
you preyed on my weakness - savagely
watching me fall in love with an illusion
you told me you
were the broken one, and you wanted to
be mended by my touch.
But that was deceit. you wanted to
maim, hurt and reject...just as had
been done to you...I was the vulnerable one
who broke, lost resolve and purpose, sank
into depression and surrendered to resentments.
but not longer will your bitter desires taint me -
the present is now. The future is now. Eternity is now.
Although my present is pain, my future sorrow, my eternity will be determination.
Resolve to erase your infection from my soul
and your stain from my body
I will expose all my frailties, grow stronger as you weaken
under your addictions.
Justice will be met, and for you, not tempered by Mercy[/color
]

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Antwort: Poetry "Untitled"
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