[cutter]

cutter on 20060105 um 1720 Uhr #419

Yes I finaly have time to put some of my poems up hope u like..the first is lame tho sorry:(

When you lost your soul you tore me apart,
You hurt me,You killed me…..
But yet,I still want you!
I still love you!
Why do I love you after you hurt me so??
As I sit in this dark room of mine,I cry.
I cry to know you more,
I cry to love you more.
But it hurts, it hurts to cry about you,
I wish to stop crying.
Help me stop crying about you!

*thats the first one,i like the other one better,and i hope u do to*

“CUT”

As I pick you up,
You are cold in my hand.
As I place you on my bare skin you are weight-less,
but still cold.

As I use you to slice though my skin,I start to bleed,
You are warmed by my blood on your steel blade.
As I lick away the blood,you beg me for more.

So I cut again for you and me,
Again, I cut and lick the blood
away,and again you want more.

So I cut again, but as I cut,
I hit a vein,
Now the blood will not stop,
I am drowning in it.

And so I die, never to cut again!
With you my blade……..

*well thats it for now hope u like it,and plz say somtihng about it just dont read it..thankz!*

[navre]

navre on 20060105 um 2218 Uhr #3864

I would offer this in reply but before i do allow me to say this much…..I am by no means any expert or judge of talent this is merly what i see and what these words say to me……

Poetry to me is the expression of raw emotion, given refinement to render some sort of responce from the reader either sypethetic or apathetic….or mearly one of a kind of forced projection…” meaning trying to get one to see what it was that inspired you to write what you did ” on the first poem its very raw, lacking much in refinement. almost more a smattering of words used to fight back tears that were biting to tear themselves from your eyes….it could be much better with a bit of re working,

the second is more refined then the first but over all, i feel they both lack a kind of quality that is essentail to prevoking any kind of responce from the reader, there is nothing there that would sway one to emotion of some kind or another, yes there are poems out there that are blan and in your face….but of the few i have seen i fee their choice of word ” the writter’s ” selcetion was much better and still convey’d the meaning of what they had wanted the reader to take away with them when they were done reading it……I would hate to quote maestro, and doing so cause you to think that I truly loath what you have written but, to me these seem nothing more than woe is me pitty poems that, are mearly just a raw expression of what some one was feeling. perhaps in a jurnal or what not ” I’m rambleing here and most likely beating a dead horse” But like i said there not terrible any form of expression is great as long as it has meaning to the person that wrote it…..these simply do not apeal to me….i recomend having another crack at them both sit back try to recall the emotion that drove you to write them, and rework them with a bit more feeling……..” steps off his soap box “

P.S. Rule number one is dont ask ….If you dont really want to know….You asked, I answerd…it was by no means ment to be an attack on anyone or anythhing ….hopefully it is taken as it is intended….a pinch of constructive critasisum..do with it as you will

Navre…..
Nicholas Nav`re

[cutter]

cutter on 20060106 um 0004 Uhr #3865

*tries not to freak out*so u hate it then!!!! heeheheheheehheeh thats what i get for puting poems up!!sorry u anit a cutter so u dont know what it means

[navre]

navre on 20060106 um 0029 Uhr #3866

I’m Not a cutter so i would not know what it means?…..Lets start with the obvious…..assumtion is the mother of all fuck ups…..that said i suggest you check out the art forum…”not going to mention that that is where it is asked that you post any form of art written or other wise ” second Find and read civil war….a poem I posted there….and then you may re-asses your assumtions about weather or not i know what it means to be a “cutter” Like i said it was intended to be construtive critisum….and rule one dont ask if you dont want to know you said to reply with something just dont read it….rule number one…….” shakes head ” please get to know who you are speaking to before you say something that may have you looking quite childish or uneducated to those with whom you speak…..Im not good with computers or id do the whole like thing so you could just click and it would take you straight to civil war….but alas i suck with that so…..” steps off his soap box again” just take a look at it, and i still say you would be better off re-working them, they could be so much better

[cutter]

cutter on 20060118 um 0949 Uhr #3867

srry:(

[miyoko]

miyoko on 20060305 um 1846 Uhr #3868

i just stopped cutting…THAT second one just brought backa few good memories. great job.