There was something inside you calling out to me,
Something faint, yet audible.
Or maybe it was me straining to hear
What I hoped was there.
But I was so sure….
It had to be there. Or did it?
It was whispered to me in your actions, mumbled to me in
your words
But. never did I actually hear what I wanted to
Because you chose
Not to reveal yourself to me
When I was so obviously willing to do so for you.
A thousand tints of green.
Made up the colour of your tainted soul
And haunted eyes
I watched them change with the intensity of
The light and your mood
I was so obsessed with watching them change
That I hardly noticed the changes going on,
Inside myself
And when I realised I was changing in a
Way I knew not how to cope with,
I ignored it
And continued focusing my energies on your tainted soul and haunted eyes,
in the hopes
that I might heal you
I might be the one to bring you comfort
I longed to do that for you…
If nothing else,
I thought healing your wounds….might heal mine.
Yet, once again I was wrong.
You kept drawing me in and pushing me away again
Silencing my burning questions with cold kisses
Why could you not look me in the eye when we spoke?
Was there something in my eyes your were afraid
to see?
Or something in your eyes I was not supposed
to see?
But,
surely I had seen your eyes when I watched you
interact with others?
Surely I had seen all there was to see?
What was there inside of you that you needed to guard so fiercely?
I tried to slip past the gates you had put up around
your heart, tried to dig under
Climb over
Not possible.
They were far too deeply set, tightly locked and
far too high for my efforts to make any impact
On their steadfastness
What had you previously experienced that
Made you put up such high barriers?
Who had to you trusted with the key to the gate,
And had that person walked away with the key,
Leaving the lock impenetrable?