As always, I am trying to improve life for my fellow inhabitents of this little rock we live on..
so in the spirit of great humanitarianism……… I present the following. 😉
I know….. its a long post.. but I found it on my space. they keep deleting the page.. so I thought it was better to just paste it.. and hmmmm perhaps a test later??? LOL
Cunnilingus – Tips n Techniques
Current mood: horny
Category: Romance and Relationships
How to eat pussy:
Here is a little something that everyone should enjoy. This is mainly for the guys, but girls are encouraged to read as well. Hope you all enjoy!
The secret to giving good face is to read the signs. You could be the best sexual mechanic in the world, but if you can’t read the emotional road signs, you’re going to end up wandering around in a desolate labial wasteland until, eventually, you drop from exhaustion, hot tears of confusion streaming down your face. Think of eating the puss as your way of saying, “Although I am about to rock your insides with 3,000 pounds of explosives, here’s a little treat session to show you how I really feel.” Instead of a screamed “OH MY GOD!!” like her baby has been trapped under a car, cunnilingus elicits a more splendiferous “ohmygodohmygodohmygod.” Kind of like being massaged with exotic fruits by a muscular Arab oil sheik. A good mange (that’s French for “eat,” you brutes) is like a thousand years of Saturdays or a “Calgon, take me away” ad. Break it down!
Be Down Don’t go down unless you’re down. Unlike fellatio, cunnilingus can never be done as a favor. Doing it when you don’t want to will only bring on the dry heaves. Eat like a pig at the trough and a lot of stupid mistakes will be forgiven.
Don’t Say High to Dry A dry pussy is an unhappy pussy. If your fingers graze a dry bush, go back to the kissing and hugging for a while. Just make sure you actually dip your finger between the lips. Sometimes moisture gets trapped between the labia and a little finger coaxing is all that’s needed to get the honey dripping. Once you’re sure the beaver is wet, give it a few light, teasing strokes with your finger. There’s nothing worse than rushing into this, so make sure she’s really begging for it before you get under the covers.
Extra tip: Be like Prince and bring up a wet finger that both of you can share like a 1950’s milkshake with two straws.
Important: Don’t play your trump card too soon by putting your fingers all the way inside. This can detract from the upcoming penetration and kill the tease factor. Try to remember that 78 percent of a woman’s pleasure is about yearning. Poking it in too soon is sure to put out the fire.
Submarine Mission for You, Baby Once she’s lathered up, it’s time to go down. Get your fingers out of there and don’t touch anything for a bit. Let your lap do a bit of grinding and get some last-minute necking in like you’re going away on a vacation. Though it’s very tempting on your way down to pull the blankets over your head like the little mole-man that you are, this is a very bad idea. It gets super hot down there and whipping the duvet off your head and gasping for air ten seconds before she comes is pretty much going to kill the mood. Start by kissing her boobs and stomach and slowly working your way down. Don’t get carried away with those stupid tits, though. That’s something you should have taken care of before the pants even came off. Right now it’s all about the stomach and inner thighs. A little bit of gentle biting is good, but a sure winner is to start at the knee and move toward the muff in a slow, shark-like swoop. Nibble your way right up to the edge of her cunt, then skip across it and head to the other knee. Repeat. Doing this a few times will get her really hot and save you a lot of pussy-eating time in the long run. When you’re just about ready to do the deed, start practicing on that weird crevice next to the lips. Don’t spend too long there or she might start to think that you think that’s the actual cunt. By now she should be dying for you to make your move. If you’re doing it right, she’ll be moaning and trying to force your head between her legs. Stretch this phase out until she looks like she’s been holding her breath for three days.
Extra Trick: Hover over the bush for about five seconds before the first lick. If you wait longer than that, she might think you’re having second thoughts because it smells bad. Of course, we all know that motherfucker smells sweeter than a bowl of steamin’ crawdaddies.
Important: Never bite the cunt in any way whatsoever. If this needs more explaining you should probably just stick to jerking off.
Parting the Red Seas Isolate your playing field. Pubic hairs are to eating pussy what the Cavity Creeps are to dental hygiene. You’re never going to be able to identify all the parts if she looks like that PiL album That What Is Not. One hot trick is to get her to spread her lips apart so her pussy is all set up for you like a great big buffet.
The Grand Entrance Do your first lick super slow. It’s good to groan and moan too. It shows you’re digging it while sending microscopic audiophonic vibrations right up her snapper. Start just above the anus and take it all the way to the fur. Do about a dozen of these St. Bernard licks before moving on (take it really slow, like four seconds per lick). This is a good time to figure out what kind of clit she has. If it’s real sensitive, she’ll probably convulse as you pass over it and that means you’re in for an easy ride. If there’s no reaction when you graze over her clit, she probably has one of those nerveless little pea clits and you’re in for a thirty-minute session of tongue tendonitis.
Rock the Boat Eating pussy is so gentle it can make you feel like a bit of a fag. If you’re getting tired of being a ballerina boy, take it out on the clit. Figure out how much abuse it can take without making her uncomfortable and show the little bastard who’s boss. After all, Ms. Elusive is precisely what makes muff diving so difficult. She’s surrounded by labia and, even after you find her, all the pressure can pop her over to the side. All of a sudden you’re giving the pee hole the seeing-to of its life. Think of the clit as a tumor in a pile of earlobes. When you push down on the area, it’s the only one that can’t be squished. Once one of your tongue troopers finds it, call for reinforcements. Use your lips to get hers out of the way and focus all your attention on getting her alone. Once you find it, give it a bit of a hard time for trying to hide from you. Frisk it and give it a couple of whacks across the head. More on this punk and it’s bad attitude later.
Extra-important tip: The best way to stimulate the clit is to run your entire tongue over it after you isolate it from the lips. The ‘man in the boat’ should feel the texture of your entire tongue pushing down on his body and his boat.
Identifying the Clit Type After the slow licks it’s time to get this party started. There are essentially two types of clitori; ones that enjoy a serious going-over and ones that don’t. The latter suck about as much as a one-inch penis and you should dump her right away.
Extra tip: Clits come in all shapes, sizes, and sensitivities; but that doesn’t really tell you much. All of them want to be treated slow and soft at the beginning, but the only way you can tell if you can go fast at the end is by reading her reactions. This is impossible to teach, but just do the best you can. All I can tell you is convulsing means take it easy and “Oh my God” means bring it on.
Clits That Need a Serious Going-over These are the most fun because you can be creative. Pretend your tongue is the bad cop and the clit is the guy who killed your partner. Separate him from his buddies (the lips) and suck him right up into your mouth. Now he’s on your turf. Keep him erect by creating an airtight vacuum chamber in your mouth. Slap the little bugger upside the head with one big tongue bonk. He’s not going to tell you shit because he’s a clit and he has no idea of what you’re talking about, but kick his ass anyways. After a few teasers and swirling circles, rat-a-tat-tat him senseless like a boxer whacking a speed bag. If she starts freaking out like it’s too much, ease up on the interrogation and go back to the St. Bernard licks. The vacuum is a great way to bring her to orgasm, but it’s a bit much sometimes, so mix things up with some circles around the clit and some tongue fucking. As you’re closing in for the kill, go back to the vacuum and give the suspect a relentless head smacking. Up-and-downies are usually the most effective, but your tongue will get less tired if you throw in a few side-to-sides. When you feel the inner thighs start to shake, this is it. Be repetitive. Do NOT be creative. You’re almost home and this is not the time to start changing tactics.
Extra tip: To keep the rhythm going, try repeating a chant in your head that goes with the movement of your tongue like a Micmac Indian (hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya). Any inconsistent action may throw her off, killing the mood or at least setting you back a few minutes, which is bad for morale.
Important: Keep going several seconds AFTER her orgasm. Remember, it isn’t over until the hands come down from above and lay you off. If she’s multiorgasmic, you’ll have to keep going until you’ve done the whole routine another four or five times. If you’re not sure what to do, just keep giving her shit until the magic hands come down.
Clits That Don’t Some clits don’t want to be singled out and battered around. These are the boring ones that need to be treated with gentle care. Just do casual St. Bernard licks until she cums, pure and simple. If you’re getting bored try going in some different directions for a while. A good way to keep it random is to spell out different letters of the alphabet with the tip of your tongue. You could be looking at half an hour here, pal, and that can be problematic. If you go for that long and she doesn’t cum, you’re going to be in a foul mood, so if it’s too much work, move on. On the bright side, going for thirty minutes is something few people have the patience for, so sticking it out will lead to some payback when period week comes around.
The Conclusion Once you’re done (totally finished), she’s going to want you out of there pronto because the whole area is sensitive. Instead of leaving, stick out your tongue and lay it down on her like a thick, soggy carpet. Make sure you don’t move it or anything because that can actually hurt her. Just let it sit there like a dead manta ray for about thirty seconds. Then come up and wipe your face like a pirate. You now have a good minute to get the condom on and take her from the quarters of Prince Muhammad Muhammad Saddat to the cockpit of an F-15.
EXTRA BONUS TRACKS
Getting Fired If two hands suddenly drop from the sky and start pulling you up, you’ve just been sacked. She’ll tell you she never cums from that anyway, but the truth is you suck at sucking. Just give her a jolly good rogering and look at the whole thing as a learning experience. Later you can ask what the problem was so you can get it right the next time. If you’re really lame, you can ask for a regular play-by-play from the broadcast booth. A bit of the old “slow-down-you’re-going-to-fast-yeah-there-like-that-oh-that’s-perfect” can turn even the John Wayne Bobbitt of pussy eaters into a Doug Hart.
The Power Lunch Nothing keeps you in the game and makes her cum harder than a mid-fuck munch. Pulling out in the middle of the race may leave her a bit confused, but it’s a great way for all you premature ejaculators to simmer down a bit and it reminds her neglected clitoris that he’s a somebody. If after a few seconds she still isn’t into it, you can save face by pretending you just couldn’t resist. Give it up and get back to the boff.
Extra tip: Unless you like the taste of your own latex-covered dink, keep your mid-fuck snacking to the upper clit region and stay away from the whole.
The Bottom Fingers: If you are dealing with a particularly saucy vixen she may want something in her bum. A thumb gives you the best leeway, but keep in mind you are doing a raunchy thing and this should be saved until the end. Incidentally, if you’re trying to introduce a bum finger as a good thing, try eking it in during orgasm. If it doesn’t wreck everything you could have a Pavlovian response on your hands for the rest of the relationship.
Hole: We’re not going to get into licking the actual hoop in this section because if you’re into that, you’re way too advanced for this seminar and should have graduated with a PhD in pussy years ago.Cheeks: Bum-cheek rubbing is always good. There are over five hundred thousand nerve endings on those cheeks, so giving them a good squeeze or a slap while you lick the pussy will get you instant results.
The Double Whammy Though some idiots (like me) say it takes away from when you actually put in the dink, simultaneous fingering is a great way to totally blow her mind. Think of it as the crack cocaine of cunnilingus.
Being Knackered Tongue exhaustion is the number-one cause of abandoned mange-ing, but there are many ways to avoid it. Like we said, using your tongue as an inanimate object is a great way to give it a rest. Stick it out as far as if can go and tense it. Then bite into it with your teeth and move it around the cunt using your neck muscles. Another solution is simply to use your fingers on the clit while you give your mouth a rest.
and for those of you who made it this far…. fair play is fair play…….. 😈
How to give a good blow job 😉 8)
Current mood: horny
Category: Romance and Relationships
One of the most honoring and sexy ways a man can be pleasured is when a woman adores his dick. A cock represents about 80% of the male ego, so if you want to make a man smile from his soul, you need to completely and thoroughly ADORE his cock. Worship his dick as if it’s a fucking god! One of the BEST ways to do this is to suck it for him at any given time. When I say suck his cock, I don’t mean just lightly lick it. I mean take the dick in your hand, devour it, lick it hard, suck it hard and feel it down the penis with the back of your throat.
First of all, men will know if you like doing this or not, just by how you go about it. If you don’t like it, he will know because the enthusiasm is not there. Be passionate about giving head, and he’ll be more likely to reciprocate. Go at it with gusto and it will turn him on so incredibly that he will tell you “I just had the BEST blowjob of my life, today,” and he will remember it for many hours of masturbation later. A great blowjob is not something a man ever forgets.
A woman who is skilled at the art of the blowjob, is in control of him until the cum has shot out of his dick and he has passed out due to complete exhaustion. One key thing about a blowjob is that you must make sure he knows YOU are sucking him: he is NOT fucking your face! If you are sucking it right, the man will have no need to put his hand on your head, while thrusting his dick into your mouth. Your mouth is not a vagina, and you should make that known.
Here are some tips for whoever may be in charge of sucking a dick..Be it yours, your partners, whoevers:
1) Grab the cock with authority and suck it hard. If it’s too hard, he will tell you. If you’ve ever seen a man jack off, you’ll know that the dick can take quite a bit of pressure and force before any harm is done. The chances are that if you stop shy of pulling the dick out of his body, it’s just right.
2) Make noises like “mmmmm” or moan when shoving the dick in your mouth. It shows the guy that your are enjoying what you are doing, and it makes him feel as if his cock is a delicious popsicle. If he thinks that you love his cock, then he’ll be arroused beyond belief. Remember: You’re not just sucking his dick, but you are also sucking his EGO.
3) Get the dick wet and sloppy. Most men would give anything for a sloppy slurpy, juicy blowjob. Saliva heats up with friction and this is a sure turn on.
4) Stroke the balls, but do it very carefully. If you are the man, I’d suggest shaving your balls. Not only will the sensations be much more intense, but your sucker will most likely lick them gently since there is no tangled hair to get in the way. The next best thing to having your dick head sucked is having your nuts licked.
5) Create a good suction and pop his cock in and out of your mouth. On circumcised men (more common in America than anywhere in the world) the lip of the helmet is sensitive and some men go wild when you flip this lip as if you could tip it off his shaft. This is a technique that many don’t know about, but it drives men nuts. The part that is most sensitive is the part underneath where the shaft meets the head and causes a valley up the head to the pee hole. Flick this spot in an upward motion with your rigid tongue and cup the rest of the head with your mouth and lips, sucking at the same time. After you’ve teased and pleased with this method, plunge the dick down your throat while tonguing his shaft wildly, creating suction as if it is stuck to the roof of your mouth. Any time you can suck then tongue then suck, you can get incredible results and moans from the blowjob receiver.
6) Let him watch as you slob his knob (ego). If you are lying on the bed between his legs, or if he is standing looking down, he is intently watching you. Use one hand to stroke his stomach, balls, egs, thighs, nipples, and hold his cock with the other hand so you can guide it carefully away from your back teeth. Guys, who pull your hand away, sometimes regret it because they don’t realize you are keeping his precious head from those sharp grinders in the back of your mouth. If they’ve pulled your hand away though, it might be an indication that you were squeezing too hard, or that he wants you to take his cock deeper into your mouth, especially if he is small (4″ or less). Small dicks need deeper blowjobs as your hand takes up most of the length of the shaft. Going all the way down is incredibly pleasurable for the man. A normal guy loves to see his cock disappear down the suckers throat.
7) Start at the tip of the dick and spiral down to the bottom of the shaft. As you go down, twist your head and mouth in opposite directions. Go as far down the shaft as possible. If he is too long for you to go too deep, go as far as you are comfortable with going. The gag reflex kicks in when you go too far but you can circumvent that reflex with practice of opening up your lower throat.
8) Suck his balls. Men don’t usually get a lot of attention to their balls because most women think they’ll hurt them. If you gently stroke the balls and suck them by taking one into your mouth at a time, tonguing it then moving to the other one, you will see how much enjoyment is derived from this attention. Then run your tongue vertically up the vein of the cock, and feel him gasp when you suck the head back into your mouth.
9) Don’t forget to use your tongue a lot. The flicking and wagging of your tongue using good pressure is very pleasurable. Try twirling it around the head one way, than the other way. This technique will bring gasps and moans.
10) Uncircumcised cocks have different rules. All that skin is able to be sucked on and lightly chewed. Most men who are uncut are extremely sensitive when you expose his head by pushing the skin all the way down and holding it down to suck him. Be careful here though, as some can find this painful. Ask the man which he prefers and you will know just what to do. Be aware that leaving the skin up makes it a little difficult to create and maintain a good suction, but it is much easier doing the up and down motion with gliding smoothness. Try to leave the skin up and stick your tongue between the outer skin and see how far down you can slide your tongue in before the skin folds back with your motion. Pressure is important with an uncircumcized cock as well. Squeezing with your lips as you move up and down is VERY important. Consistent pressure by evenly squeezing with a hand and your lips is usually what makes him cum.
11) Another little trick that makes some men gasp with pleasure is when you use your teeth ever so GENTLY on the cap of the penis. Be sure there is a lot of saliva for gliding your teeth on. Start out by having your teeth clenched together at the tip of the penis. Then as you glide down the cap, slowly open your jaws. Your lips should be closed around the shaft as your head moves downward. Then flick your tongue as your teeth give way and cause a suction. This sensation seems to bring a new experience to each recipient and usually elicits comments suck as “My God, where did you learn that??”
12) And last but not least, swallowing cum. Ask your man which they prefer: A sucker swallowing his cum or him jacking off in the last seconds before he cums onto the suckers breasts, face, ass or whatever. Many men grew up watching porn and in all porn, pulling out of the mouth and other orifices is the norm, so the viewer can see the glorious “cum shot.” As a result, many men associate an great orgasm with pulling out and cumming on the dick sucker as he strokes. It is a turn on for the sucker to see the fruits of their labor for sure, or feel the warm cum on their breasts. And to those who have just came: It’s especially nice when the man gets a warm washcloth, and cleans the sucker up after. That is seen as a return compliment. Just so that you know, most will say they want you to swallow. Of the top 5 questions MOST asked by guys online, “Do you swallow?” is one of the most asked questions. This is because if you remember in the beginning, my first point was; a man’s ego lives in his penis. If you swallow his man chowder, his EGO is given the ultimate compliment.
