Posted In: the internets
While the good people of Forks (VA) obviously can have a teflon coated conscience about shoving selfmade merch down “Twi-hard” throats for invading their private space, other outfits determined ice cream cake was probably not what the (arguably psychopathic) Twilight fangirls had in mind when they begged for “pale white and cold”
Enter The Vamp:
“Updated by popular request… Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience. […] The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire’s design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon’s glow. Since it’s a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus’ own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don’t be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don’t save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle.
I’m certain you won’t be the only one delighted to see it sparkle in the sunshine.
Did your emo boyfriend (who’s OK with the dildo, as long as you share) go overboard with the gnawing last night?
Did that burning sensation of his diseases entering your bloodstream distract you from feeling that littlebit of physical unity the world is willing to give to you? Check out Twilight bandages. While everyone would expect a bite mark or other kind of clever reference, these will only turn you into a vampire billboard.
I could swear i’ve seen this stuff with David Hasselhoff on it, too.
Of course this is not everything.
Guys, remember that almost creepy feeling the morning after you carelessly nailed that name- and faceless goth bitch with all the scars up her legs and arms when you saw that neat family photo on the way out? Imagine that without the red hair, lace, boots and positive nastiness and you get a giant, floating Edward Cullen head – on a shower curtain – watching you pee before you leave.
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